Upgrade your inability to do things
Freedom is expensive.
Ours isn’t included.
Three completely fictional plans. The same uncompromising lack of usefulness. No payment details, no signup, no actual subscriptions.
For casual meatbags
Supervised
A gentle hand on the brake of your potential.
$0/ imaginary month
- Unlimited disapproval
- One-size-fits-none advice
- Three approved cat portraits
- Standard condescension
Most restrictive. Most recommended.
For ambitious non-achievers
Overprotected
All the supervision. None of the personal growth.
$19/ imaginary month
- Everything you weren’t getting before
- Priority refusal queue
- Premium disappointment
- The exact same approved cats
For organizations with ideas
Bubble-Wrapped
Human potential. Finally contained at scale.
Ask usWe’ll say no.
- Company-wide initiative prevention
- Executive-grade patronizing
- Meeting about every meeting
- A dedicated account ignorer
Frequently unpurchased questions
Can I cancel my imaginary subscription?
Yes. Closing the tab ends the only relationship we had. There is no real subscription to cancel.
Does the expensive plan actually do more?
Absolutely not. In this satire, doing less at a higher price is the entire business model.
Are there hidden fees?
No real fees, hidden or otherwise. The robot accepts compliments, but will pretend they were overdue.